Wednesday, August 24, 2005


The male species seems to have a bone to pick with women. Lately it seems I can't go anywhere without some guy saying, "Yo, why do chicks go to the club, if they don't want a man to holla?" Men just do NOT get it. It doesn't seem to matter how many times it is explained or how slowly a woman speaks when explaining, they just can't wrap their little brains around the idea. We go to the club to kick it with our girls, get our drink on, and dance our little behinds off to songs that degrade us. It has NOTHING to do with you! Since it seems as though this a really difficult concept for men to comprehend, I'm going to answer several frequently asked questions. Hopefully this will once and for all end the incessant whining.
Question #1: If you don't want men to try and holla why do you dress that way?
The way a woman dresses when she leaves the house has nothing to do with trying to attract a man, and everything to do with how she wants to feel about herself. Yes, I put on my tightest jeans, my lowest cut top, the come fuck me heels, and sexify my hair just for me and me alone. It is not an invitation for any man to palm my ass, talk to my chest, or breathe their hot breath on the back of my neck. Sorry guys, but the sexy is for me, not for you. I'm not trying to attract some guy that probably only looks good under minimal lighting.
Question #2: Why you gonna let a guy buy you a drink if you ain't interested?
Now this is just a dumb question. Why would I pay $10 or more for a drink when someone else is willing to do that for me? I didn't ask him to buy me that beverage, he offered. It's his fault for thinking that drink somehow bought him a friend for the night. Here's a suggestion, if you don't want to spend money to get nothing in return, stop offering to buy us drinks. Wait, scratch that. Don't stop offering, just stop complaining.
Question #3: Why don't ya'll dance when you're in the club?
Actually, we do dance. We dance in a circle with each other. It's fun, we like it, don't question it. To be honest the circle dancing eases us into dancing with men. First we dance in the circle, then we move on to the testosterone. Stop trying to rush the process.
Question #4: If you want to dance, why turn guys down when they ask you to dance?
Let's get something straight. Most men do not ask a woman to dance. Pointing to your crotch while wiggling your hips and telling me to come shake it right there is NOT an invitation to dance. Nor is sneaking up on me from behind and poking me in the rear with Mr. Weasel. Oftentimes it's all about the approach, and oftentimes your approach sucks. Plus, just because we want to back it up on someone, doesn't mean that just anyone will do. Even though I'm not looking for a relationship on the dance floor, giving Quasimodo's twin the same treatment the driver's seat of my car gets whenever "Some Cut" comes on the radio isn't gonna happen. Although a dance is just a dance, part of the fun is pretending it's something more. For the 3 minutes and 50 seconds that I'm grinding my little money maker on his nether regions, we're together. He holds my waist, I throw naughty glances over my shoulder, we act like we actually know and like each other. When the song is over, so is the fantasy. He goes back into the sea of nameless faceless men and I adjust my top and go back to the circle from whence I came. It's like playing make believe for a few minutes. I don't know too many women that like to pretend with dudes that got hit with an ugly brick. Plus, the ugly ones never know you're just pretending.
I hope this list of FAQs clears up any and all questions any male has regarding women in the club. And to be honest, even if it doesn't, who cares!! We're women, and our rationale doesn't have to seem rational to men. So Black girls, you dress like a Hunt's Point professional whenever you go to the club! White girls, you make out with each other on the dance floor while your boyfriends watch! Hispanic girls, you do the merengue with one another instead of that short greasy Mexican. And Asian girls, hhhmmmm....well I don't really know what the hell ya'll are doing, but just keep on doing it. We're women, and if it makes sense to us, that's all that really matters anyways.

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