Don't judge me. I want to be a video girl. Yep, that's right, I want to be one of those chicks that everyone sees on BET shaking their ass in music videos. I too want to climb on top of a red Caddy and jiggle my ass on it's roof. Wait, I hear the ice cream man. I'll be right back. Mmmmkay, remind me to never again run barefoot down a half paved street in pursuit of a rinky dink ice cream van (yeah I said van, not truck) that doesn't even have the decency to stock 10 cent rainbow gumballs and blowpops. Trifling bastards.
Now, back to the lecture at hand: my upcoming video girl career. After watching the making of Sean Paul's new clip for "We Be Burnin" on BET's Access Granted I'm so positive that I'm more than qualified. I can gyrate with the best of them. I'm especially adept at running my hands across my writhing body while giving sultry stares to anyone who glances in my direction. I can also pop it, drop it, pick it back up, then bend it over and shake it (I follow Lil' John's instructions well). The wardrobe isn't a problem either. My underwear only half covers my ass anyways, and a t-shirt and panties is my favorite outfit.
Some might say that I'd be wasting my Ivy League education if I left my job counting Cheerios to be the newest addition to 50 Cent's next video shoot, but I disagree. I honestly think I'm wasting my talents now. My butt ain't always gonna look this good so I might as well get paid for it now. Plus, I spend countless hours watching the current video hoes (oops I mean entertainers) doing their thing and then practicing in the mirror. Besides Candice from Lloyd Bank's "On Fire" video has a law degree from Northwestern* and that cost way more than my piddling Bachelor of Science in Policy Analysis and Management (whatever that is). That chick is a lawyer, and if she's not too good to walk out of a hot tub dripping wet in 2 scraps of cloth resembling a bikini, well then damn it, neither am I!!!
Just so that there is no confusion, I have no intention of being just anybody's video chick. You won't catch me doing low budget videos for the likes of Webbie, Mike Jones, and Won G. Oh no, I'm high class with mine. Only the top selling rappers like 50, Ludacris, and Jigga can pour Cristal all over my chest. Cause I respect myself, damn it!
*King Magazine - March 2005 Issue