Thursday, August 11, 2005

Crack Kills

I think I now know how a crackhead feels. You don't want to get high, but like Pookie said, "That shit just be callin, man." Well my drug of choice called at 12:08 a.m. and I answered. I swear I didn't mean to fall off the wagon so soon. I had just received my 48 hour sobriety pin and I was going for 72. The phone rang while I was laying on my couch dozing in and out of sleep while watching Sideways. Mr. Can't Get Right in Chicago was supposed to be calling, so without even looking at the caller ID I picked up. Wrong move there, Lizzie. "Hey, did you forget about me?" he says. SHIT!! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Wrong Y chromosome. Not him, anyone but him!! Hang up, STAT!! "No, I didn't forget about you." Shouldn't have said that.
You can learn a lot during a 15 minute conversation with The Idiot Who Made You Cry. I learned that he and the perfectly nice woman with the big hips are seeing other people now. I learned that I have a place to stay the next time I come home. I learned that he was worried about me when I didn't call. I learned that he's planning a trip to my neck of the woods later this month. I also learned that I am completely incapable of having a backbone where he is concerned. How difficult is it to just say that I'm sleeping and I can't talk right now. Or even better, say that I don't want to speak at all, period. He could totally sense that something was wrong with me and kept asking what's the problem. I don't quite know how to tell him that HE is the problem. How do you tell someone that? Especially if technically, besides existing, they haven't done anything wrong (at least not lately).
This wasn't intentional. I didn't mean to pick up his call. I didn't even know it was him. He no longer has a distinctive ringtone since I decided that playing "99 problems but a bitch ain't one" whenever he calls was a tad juvenile. Until 12:08 in the morning, I was doing just fine not speaking to him. Withdrawal symptoms were minimal. It only took 15 minutes, but that's all down the drain. I already know where this is going. Damn, I should've looked at that caller ID.

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