Monday, May 15, 2006

Setting the Record Straight

When a joke needs to be explained, it loses the punch that made it funny in the first place. The same can be said for blog entries, the funny kind or otherwise. For the first time since I started this blog, I'm starting to feel sort of misunderstood. It recently dawned on me that putting my thoughts on the web in a public forum leaves them open for any number of interpretations. For the most part those interpretations have been correct, but on an occassion or two what I meant wasn't what was perceived. If it's a joke involving myself that someone takes a bit too seriously, then I could really care less. But more often than not, I am not the only person who is featured in my posts. To be fair, I wouldn't want to misrepresent any person or situation in order to tug at reader's emotions. Unfortunately, without my intention, the previous post Savior did just that.

While my blog definitely chronicles my life as I know it and everything I write is true, all that I write is not necessarily an indication of current feelings. Sometimes a song, conversation, or something I've read reminds me of my past. All of the memories turn into words that beg to be written. So I write them and post them here, not necessarily because I'm still a wreck about the situation, but because I just need to get the thoughts out of my head and into something concrete. I try to preface these stories with words like, "I used to," or "A few years back," or even "Once upon a time." But often times the past tense gets lost in translation. Trust me when I say that I am not as depressed as my blog reads.

Other times I choose to use my own experience to make a point regarding a larger idea. That's what I was trying to do in Savior. I meant the last line to be ironic and funny, to sum up the moral of the story in a tidy little package. Instead, it made me seem bitter and covetous, which I am not. I really don't feel like going into the whole story, but I would like it to be known it wasn't selfless benevolence, but a calculated strategy to worm my way into his life and eventually his heart. I convinced myself that if he saw that I was the one who cared the most, one day he would care the same way. Yes, he upset me more times than I can count. Yes, we had a tumultuous dynamic for over two years. No, we were never romantically involved. And yep, I did take a load of emotional crap from him without even a hint of interest on his part. Give me a break, I was 18 years old and stupid enough to try and use the friendship to relationship route that has been used on me time and again. Over time, my feelings for him took a backseat to our friendship. I pined, but didn't say a word about it for fear that it would send him running. I realized that even if I couldn't be with him, I still wanted to be his friend. True, he was a difficult friend to have at that time, but I was convinced that I could fix all the things that were broken in him. Eventually, with the help of others, I did and he finally became a human being. I got over it on my own, after a very busy Spring 01 semester, the details of which cannot be devulged (FLS, you know what I'm talking about). By the time he was involved with his now fiancee, I was over him and we had finally settled into a healthy friendship that exists to this day. I will be at his wedding with bells on and if asked, I would even be the flower girl.

Chesty LaRue and I constantly joke about this situation whenever we talk about wanting to change or save a man with whom we are involved. We remind ourselves how well that savior mentality served us in college. That was my point in writing Savior. I wanted to show that it's hard work to be someone's life raft. And even if you can get them to shore, they're probably just going to run down the beach to play with someone else. So don't bother.

11 comments:

Jennifer said...

I got it the first time, somehow. And you're right, you know. It's impossibly exhausting to be somebody's life raft, whether it's a friend, man or child/beast.

You're a very smart cookie. I hope you danced at the wedding.

Cece said...

I don't think the last made you seem bitter...just like you loved, you lost and now the bastard has invited you to the wedding you we supposed to be in (though not as a flower girl). But now that I know you want to go...its all good. Just remember to look amazing. AMAZING!!!

chris said...

i agree with cece, i did't see savior as you being bitter. take care, keep your head up.


p.s.
don't worry about how others read you, it's your blog...write what you want.

nosthegametoo said...

Clearly expressing ourselves can always be challenging.

I find the challenge exciting.

BBB_0202020 said...

Thanks for stopping by! Don't be a stranger

ProfessorGQ said...

one rule that I have about blogging is that I never regret what I posted or feel like I have to explain myself...either people get it or they don't...1700 weekly visitors must love it.

jailbait said...

"but I would like it to be known it wasn't selfless benevolence, but a calculated strategy to worm my way into his life and eventually his heart." I knew it, I knew it! I was pretty sure your savior post was about him. I was going to post another comment in the savior post saying "if you think liz didn't have alterior motives for everything she did for/to him...you obviously don't know her!"

FLS said...

My $.02,

At the end of the day it's YOUR blog homie. If you get a little criticism -FUCK IT. I know you want to appease the readership but then it becomes more about them than about you. Treat it like a newspaper and the comments are letters to the editor. Even those comments from people you know at a personal level(e.g. ME). I wasn't going to assume (oh no! remember the CHESTY mixup) this was about dude but all the signs pointed that way.

Being that I have a little background info I think the original post was a bit misleading. That's just my opinion..and opinions are like...

What I STILL don't understand is why dude has to take the piss from everyone. It's not like he did anything wrong...allegedly...still developing.

All in all Liz, I love your blog, You know how much time I spend on here. You're like a sister to me....bigger thank Frank and Edna.

Peace (1 out of 1700)

aquababie said...

i didn't see the bitterness either. i really like your writing. it's your blog...continue to be yourself.

Sober In the City said...

My 2 cents.

Never explain yourself... Just do it different the next time and write a lot of shit that week so the post quickly falls off the page and into the abyss of your archives.

You will find many a misunderstood blog in my archives.

You will never control how others will read you... still, clearly, however they read you, they obviously like you.

Chesty Larue aka RebeLioness said...

I like this blog. Though, I agree that you shouldn't have to explain yourself, I definitely believe you wanted to and, therefore, I'm glad you did. It was just as amusing as the original post, if I may say so myself! =D