Sunday, July 31, 2005

What a Waste

I'm a waste. A complete and total useless waste and there's really nothing I can do about it. You see, I'm 5'11". That's it, there's nothing more to me. I'm just 5'11" of wasted space. I've lost count of the number of times this conversation occurs. I meet a new person and they say, "Wow, you're so tall." Then I smile and nod cause I really can't say thank you. It's a statement of fact, not a compliment. Then New Person says, "So do you play basketball?" I say, "Nope." New Person says, "Do you play volleyball?" I say, "Nope." New Person says, "Do you run track?" I say, "Nope." With each negative response I can see the chances of any decent conversation slipping away. Still grasping for any hope to converse, New Person looks at me with expectant eyes and says, "Well have you ever modeled?" I just shake my head and once again say, "Nope. I'm just tall." And with that bubble bursting "nope," I've dashed any chances of holding a meaningful conversation. Disappointment washes over their face, followed by a fleeting then-what-the-hell-are-you-good-for look. Then New Person finally gives me a nervous, but polite smile and says, "Well it was really nice meeting you." Another one bites the dust.
It's not as though I meant to waste my height. I tried playing basketball in high school, but the only position I ever got to play was right or left bench (if I was really lucky the coach might move me to the middle of the bench.) Volleyball never agreed with me. I kept running into that damn net every time we played in gym class. The highlight of my track and field career was trying to keep my spankies up while running the 200 yard dash. As for modeling, I have yet to be discovered by a famous photographer while walking the streets of New York City. I fear at the age of 25 that window of opportunity is closing rather quickly. So what's left? It seems the only thing my height has been good for is giving short men a chest to lay their heads on while slow dancing. It pains me to know that somewhere out there is some beautiful girl who at 5'6" and 98 lbs dreams of being the world's next supermodel. Alas, she is about 4 inches too short to make that dream a reality. Oh, how I wish I could give her 4 of mine, because obviously I'm not using them for anything important. What a waste.

3 comments:

Shark-fu said...

If you are a waste then a bitch equals you out with overabundance...at 5'3" tall and an unmentionable weight.

Sigh...

At least you can reach the top shelf...

Wayne Allen Sallee said...

Well, if you check my first post, I was talking about zombies. It's hard starting a blog with just the right entry. I think you started out fine, but I hope you'll maybe think about writing about zombies one day.

tiff said...

okay, sorry I can't stop commenting on your blog today, and two, I know! I'm 5'10" and people want to know: Do you love being tall? (WTF kind of question is that? I can't compare it to anything else!) Do you play basketball? (I'm uncoordinated and can barely dribble!) Did you ever try to be a model? (No, I enjoy eating). Sigh. End of a conversation. Maybe I should only talk to other tall people from now on.