Friday, July 29, 2005

Yep, You Really Are That Stupid

About a year ago I decided that I was no longer going to chemically relax my hair. I missed my fro and wanted it back. So I grew my hair out, cut off the relaxed ends and "went natural." In the 7 months that I've been completely perm free I've learned a lot. I've figured out how to flat twist, braid, style, and moisturize my hair. But I think the biggest eye opener in all this time as been that Black people say the dumbest shit!!
Scenario #1
I was at a barbeque kicking it with friends. We were all chatting it up and laughing when one girl looks at me and says, "I really like your hair. How'd you get it like that?" Now, I expect white folks to ask me stupid questions about my hair (Note to Suzie: If my hair is 12 inches longer today than it was yesterday I didn't put miracle grow on my head; they're called extensions!!). However my mind absolutely wobbles when a black person looks at my fro and has the audacity to say this dumb ass shit. Excuse me, but WTF!!! Bonkweetah, I sincerely hope that you are not so delusional that you believe that blonde silky straight Yaki #5 that you're sporting actually grew from your scalp. Dumb ass. Seriously people, has it been that long since you've seen your natural hair texture that you forgot that you too are Negro and you too grow napps.* FYI: I sat on my black ass and breathed and that's how I got my hair like this.
Scenario #2:
So I'm on a date with a guy I met in a Walgreens parking lot (look, times are hard). As we're driving to the movies, he looks over at me and out pours this nonsense, "You're really afrocentric aren't you?" Okay so where the hell did that come from? Ahh yes, that's it: my freakin hair. Note to Stupid: It's a hairstyle! That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not that I have a problem identifying as afrocentric, because if I think about it, I am. However, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with my hair. I was just as afrocentric when I was sitting in my stylist's chair with my scalp on fire making sure every last kink got straight. Why does my afro have to automatically mean that I rock a koofi and sport the red, black and green Africa medallion? I bet he doesn't walk up to Becky wearing her natural straight blonde hair and ask her if she's down with the White Power movement. So for the record before I get asked another idiotic question I'm just gonna let ya know. No, I am not a vegan. No, I'm not "natural everywhere" (that's nasty). No, I do NOT burn incense. No, I do not listen to Jill Scott, Floetry, or any other neo soul artist. No, I do not meditate. No, I am not a Planeteer. No, I am not bohemian. No, I do not feel at one with the universe. Any other stupid questions?
Scenario #3
If you're going to insult me, please say something about me that I would actually be embarassed or offended by, otherwise you just look like an idiot. I'm chillin with a group of my sorors and some bruhs after my chapter's ball. One of the bruhs digs his hands in my fro and says, "Dag girl, you need a perm, yo hair is NAPPY." Oh really?!! No shit, Sherlock. But thanks for letting me know cause obviously I wasn't aware. Do you seriously think you're gonna play me by telling me my hair is nappy? Am I supposed to be insulted by that? Newsflash: I want it this way. Calling someone nappy headed like it's a bad thing only says one thing about you: Your shackles are showing. And oh yeah Shit For Brains, you ain't fooling nobody with that Scurl you got dripping all over your forehead.
Can someone please tell me what the hell is the big deal about a black woman wearing her hair the way it naturally grows out her head? Why must anything about my lifestyle, interests, spirituality, or anything be inferred just because of a fro? You don't see me walking up to chicks with perms or weaves saying, "You must have a lot of self-hate going on." Why? Cause I don't make those assumptions just cause of a freakin hairstyle. Really people, it's just NOT THAT DEEP!

*Unless of course you've got some White, Injun, or Meskin in your blood and got that "good hurr"


Anonymous said...

My dumbest comment ever: you have a process, or is your hair naturally curly? I was like, scuse me, did you just ask me if I have a jerry curl?

Simply Me said...

Amen Amen!