Monday, July 10, 2006

You Started It

I didn't ask for this. My life was fine. I wasn't checking for, concerned about, or conscious of you. You came at me. You called my phone asking where I was, what I was doing.
"When can I see you?" That's what you asked.
Boredom is a bitch, and you were something to do, nothing more. I wasn't interested. You weren't even my type. But the attention was nice, and being with you passed the time.
You wormed your way into my head saying "us," "we," "ours." I was featured in your future. But I resisted, keeping you at a distance.
"What are you scared of?" you asked. You dismantled my defenses bit by bit. You did the little things, the basics no one else bothered to do.
"I'll call you at 9." My phone rang at 8:55.
"I'm coming over to see you." I buzzed you in before we hung up.
You did this, not me. It wasn't my idea, definitely not a part of my plans. You wanted us. You worked your magic and now I'm convinced. The only problem is now you're not so sure.
"Let's be together." Your words, not mine. I'm trying to be with you and you want to tell me, "I ain't ready for all that."
All of a sudden, I'm asking too much. It was nothing for you to call me when you didn't know my last name. Now when I say I want to talk, you avoid me like the plague. "Not now." or "I can't." Or some other lame excuse. I used to see you everyday, but lately I can't even get five minutes of your time. You say I'm too needy, that I'm asking for too much. Damn, I'm just asking for what you offered in the first place.
You're asking me why I can't let go. Shit, you were the one who told me, "Hold on."


DS said...

thats men for ya

Anonymous said...

I'm not convinced that one can ever cross a bridge back again. Both the good and the bad flashback too fresh, and with each flip, the wounds are deeper, more raw.

But I say keep the sweatpants.

Anonymous said...

I don't like this post.

Cece said...

Ok obviously you forgot who we were. So even though I'm deathly busy at work(lol)I'll take a minute to remind you. We are smart, sexy, highly intelligent women with good paying jobs able to pay for anything we want anytime we want it. Leave him alone. Either he doesn't get it and who wants to date a moron or he does get it and it scares him, then hes a punk. Like I said leave him alone. And when he does become interested again, and tries to holla again tell him - He can put that where? Back There!

Anonymous said...

Jailbait is crazy. Even in its simplicity, this post speaks volumes (to me at least). I can't help but think that I wouldn't be going through my current storm had I not answered that IM 4 years ago. Back then, he was interested and I was bored so I gave it a shot. Now he's in hiding with nothing to say while I sit here trying to forget all the promises he made.

Christina_the_wench said...

Powerful and so true. They say women change after they get in a relationship. Oh hell no. It's more often the men.

Anonymous said...

He likes the game of catching you, but not the game of keeping a relationship going. God, it reminds me of posts I would've written. (I'm sure a lot of women can say that.) You know you need to move on, be single for a while, eventually find someone who loves you without you convincing him to do it. He's out there. It's just a matter of you finding the strength to take this step now.

Anonymous said...

For a minute I thought you were pretending to be me when you wrote this. You know my current heartache and the details leading up to it. It's like, why are guys so obsessed with the challenge of catching you but not so of keeping you? I would love to date a man who was above the cat and mouse games reminiscent of high school! I'm with sally: I need to just be alone for a while cuz I'm just tired of the merry-go-round.

Trish said...

Is it the chase that some men love?
I mean he started it, right? He was calling five minutes early and saying "We," so you were perfectly within reason to feel safe that all was going well.

Unknown said...

don't mind being the voice of dissention in the room, so, here goes...

sometimes things say that we (guys) change...but maybe, just's you...(not you in particular Liz, you know i love you sandz)

i mean, when i called, before, we talked for an hour, about things that mattered to our conversations are boring or about the same ole stuff (i ain't talking an hour about nothing)...and maybe when i was coming over all the time, or you were coming over, there were fun things happening (plus good, spontaneous {sp?} sex) now, you MIGHT be nit picking about little things, and the sex is routine, and now you ain't cooking like you used to ( and i can just hear the neck rolling, teeth sucking already) but these are some of the things that make it seem like the we only enjoy the change, we change, you don't like our change...guess what...we don't like your change either...cuz i know that the conversation on the other end (when we talk to our boys about it) goes like this:

"all she wanna do is argue about blah, blah, blah....if i don't call her twice a day i get the mean lecture about how i don't care about her...what? Poker? well i'm supposed to be going to my girls house tonight, but i'd rather play poker than get yelled at..."

jali said...

I think for some it's just "the chase" that they're after.

I agree with the wisdom of cece.

Anonymous said...

Why could it not be the fatigue that has set in during the chase that has the gentleman stopping – trying to catch his breath? “Hold on” was the request, not “good bye”. For a man tires during a journey of courtship. And when that journey comes to an end, you have plenty of reserves - for ignoring one does not require the use of energy.