This time I left evidence. Unlike the other times, now he'll know that I was looking for him. He'll know that he didn't just pass through my mind on the heels of one thought before being chased away by another. He'll know that he was my mind. And my mind was ruled by the heart that doesn't want to let him go. Instead of hiding behind the computer screen and checking his online status, just in case, I called him and let it ring and left a message. I had to let him know.
For a month, I let it ride. If he wanted me, he knew where to find me. He didn't come looking. I know the rules. Don't chase after someone who won't chase after you. Don't hold on to someone who won't hold on to you. Don't fight for someone who won't fight for you. Don't, don't, don't. For weeks I didn't. But too much time passed without a word. A month can turn into never again all too easily. The rules were broken when my heart started to break at the possibility. He was slipping away and I had to catch him before he fell into the abyss.
The abyss is littered with the vanquished, those never to be heard from or thought of again. The abyss is final, there is no return. It's where the liars, cheaters, heartbreakers, and forgettables went. They vanished into the abyss without a trace. He doesn't belong there with them. He didn't do what they did. He was better. He doesn't deserve to be forgotten and I don't want to forget him. I still care how his day went, his jokes still make me laugh, and I still want him to listen. We started too good to end up this bad. I know he's going, but I don't want him gone. I will hold on until he lets go.