Elementary schools across the country have failed our children. Introductory science classes are acclimating youth to the physical world around them. One of the first lessons these kids are taught is about how humans sense the world around them. Every year kids file into classrooms and learn that there are five senses: sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. However, what they forget to teach these young impressionable minds is that boys have a sixth sense that develops with age. It's the uncanny sense to know when the woman he is involved with is just about done with his trifling ass so he better act right.
I have no idea how men do this, but I'm starting to believe that it's innate. Without a woman saying a word, they just KNOW when we are A) about to dump them B) almost over them or C) about to get serious with someone else. Amazingly sometimes depending on which stage you are in with different men, two of them will activate this sixth sense at once.
So, earlier this summer I started seeing this guy who while very cute (in a dopey sort of way) and an amazing kisser decided to start going through some shit about a month and a half into our courtship. Yes, he was another broke ass nigga going through some shit right now. Anyways, about a month after I started seeing him, I met the Guy Who Shouldn't Make Me Cry. Now keep up with me, cause it starts to get complicated. So the weekend after I met the Guy Who Shouldn't Make Me Cry, I spent a few days with Dopey Taylor. Everything was going fine with him and we were all nice and boo'd up (well us and all 20 of his closest friends who wouldn't leave the apartment). I was talking to The Guy Who Shouldn't Make Me Cry but only on a just friends tip cause I was all about Dopey. Well a few weeks later Dopey starts going through some shit and whaddya know the Guy Who Shouldn't Make Me Cry is there to pick up the slack. Within a month, Dopey's fallen by the wayside and I'm snug as a bug in a rug with the Guy.
Over the next month or so as we're coming into fall, things with the Guy are progressing very nicely. He's doing everything he should be to not only get me interested, but to keep me interested as well. I'm feeling him, and feeling him hard. In all this time, Dopey is nowhere to be found, so I'm pretty focused on the Guy. Well, as we all know when dealing with the Y chromosome, good behavior only lasts but so long before stupidity sets in. All of the tactics and measures that were employed to get me, are no longer being employed to keep me, and needless to say I am quite disgruntled. Now in the name of fairness, I've told the Guy over and over again that things are fizzling and we need to fix it. I've also played the obligatory "Nigga You Betta Act Right" games, up to and including the silent treatment and starting unnecessary fights and considering the Fallback Boy. NOTHING is working. That is nothing except considering letting the whole thing go. Somehow, everytime I'm about to pick up that phone and say, "I changed my mind," he picks up the phone first and says and does everything I've been needing him to say and do for weeks. WTF!! It's hard enough to make the decision to let someone go that you still really care about. You've gotta check with at least 5 of your girlfriends to figure out what majority opinion is. Then you have to go over and over in your head all of the things he's done wrong and document when the last time he actually did something right was. Next, you must listen to every sad/angry love song you can get your hands on in order to see how much of the lyrics relate to your current situation. After that, countless hours need to be spent agonizing over whether it's really time to throw in the towel. You then put it into a mental and emotional computer formula which spits out a decision whether or not to stay or let that dude go. To go through all of that, just for him to get his act together at the last minute is unfair and completely inconsiderate on his part.
If the Guy weren't bad enough, Dopey Taylor all of a sudden remembers I exist. Why is that? Could it be because that stupid sixth sense told him that I might like someone else enough to completely forget about his broke dysfunctional ass? And of course he would know to make his move right when I'm trying to work through issues with the Guy Who Shouldn't Make Me Cry. This is by no means a coincidence. He knew where my head was and just couldn't pass up an opportunity to screw with my already messed up head. Manipulative bastard!
Maybe if this were the first time I'd gone through this I wouldn't be so annoyed. But it seems to be a pattern with the male species. Mr. Way Too Into Himself had this unnerving habit of popping back into my life whenever I was just about to write him off completely (this was after the Valentine's Day betrayal). There was also Mr. Only Good For One Thing. He was great at returning my calls just in time to keep from getting permanently deleted. But the one who mastered that sixth sense the most has to be The Idiot Who Made Me Cry. Now that nigga had radar like a mofo! Every single time I had just about purged him from my system a siren went off in that little brain of his and he was back like the freakin Terminator.
I don't enjoy operating at a disadvantage. It makes it a lot harder to win and sometimes I'll even take winning over being happy. The way I see it, it took me years to learn about this sixth sense that men have and leverage at every turn. And I had to do it the hard way, by painful experience. So in order to even out the playing field I say we add this sixth sense to elementary school science curriculums so that little girls everywhere will grow up to be women with a fighting chance against it. All in favor, say "Aye!"