Friday, November 18, 2005

Cosmic Joke

I have the most wonderful man in my life right now. He's smart, he's hilarious, he dresses well, loves God, loves his family, listens, gives great advice, and best of all puts up with me no matter what. Honestly, I really don't know what I would do without him. Our bond is amazing and I truly value it. Now you're probably wondering where this is coming from, since just last week I was blogging about male stupidity. Well obviously I'm not talking about the same person. And no I haven't met anyone new within the last 7 days. Nope! Mr. Wonderful has been in my life for years. And no, I haven't been doing any kind of extracurricular relationship activities either. I'm not that kind of person. Nothing would ever come between Mr. Wonderful and I, not even the man I marry. You know why? Because Mr. Wonderful is just my friend. Actually, I have several Mr. Wonderfuls in my life.
Now I'm sitting here all by myself blogging on a Friday night, instead of being curled up with something tall and scrum..scrump...scrumpteou, scrumptiou, scrumptous (?, aww screw the spelling). Yep I am unabashedly single. Whenever anyone asks me why I'm single, I always say it's because I don't know any good men to date. However, that's just not true. I know a ton of great guys who are eligible bachelors. The irony is, they just aren't available to me. It's the equivalent of having a PHAT tax return burning a hole in your pocket while sitting in the middle of a showroom filled with 80% off Mahnolo Blahniks that are all about two sizes too small. Right style, wrong fit.
Somehow, I have managed to meet the perfect guy about 10 to 15 times in my life. Well let me clarify, I've met the perfect guy for a woman who is NOT me. I seem to be skilled at developing relationships with everyone else's soulmate but my own. I'm not complaining due to secretly harbored feelings for my male friends. Actually the idea of touching them in any romantic way feels just downright dirty and incestuous. Since I didn't descend from a European monarchy and I'm not from Appalachia I've never found incest to be acceptable.
After deeper thought, I'm not even upset over the fact that I can't find the right guy for myself. I'm more upset with my female friends for not having their own supplies of Mr. Wonderfuls. How hard is it for these chicks to befriend Jay-Z so that me and him can hook up. And if they can't befriend Jigga Man, then Chris Webber, Clinton Portis, or that cute white boy from Coach Carter should be a bit more attainable. I'm bringing an investment banker, a rapper, a mama's boy, a former high school football star, and much more to the table. What have they got? A bunch of vertically challenged broke ass niggas who are going through some shit right now. Ain't that about a bitch!!
I think God has a twisted sense of humor. I will readily admit that I am blessed to have each and every one of my Mr. Wonderfuls in my life. But putting the goods in front of me when I can't and don't want to buy is a sick cosmic joke. I ain't laughing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Now...exactly which one of your friends is a rapper, a mama's boy, or a former high school football star? (and who's single at that?) You're totally misrepresenting your stash!!! And, furthermore, it ain't like we purposely befriend short scrubs. Just goes to show what we've got to work with out here!