Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Will Date for Food

Within two minutes I knew. Not interested, not even a little. The conversation continued anyways. He asked questions, I gave short answers. "Thanks." "Oh." "Cool." Why did I give him my number again? Oh yeah, he's cute and he asked. Doesn't take much lately. I was bored. He cut to the chase, the reason he'd dialed my number in the first place. "Do you want to go out some time?" I gave him another short answer. "Yes."
No. I wasn’t giving him a second chance to make a better impression. No, I didn’t think there would be any additional chemistry in person that wasn’t present over the phone. And no, I didn’t want to explore the friendship option either. I wanted to eat. Plain and simple. There was once a time when I was hopeful. Hopeful that the missing spark would find itself somewhere between dinner and a movie. Hopeful that the initial attraction was more than just passing. That hope made me accept many invitations, until that hope died and the only thing I had to show for it was a full belly. I started saying yes not because of hope, but because let's face it, a girl's gotta eat. And if she can eat for free, even better. I figured if I wasn't going to fall in love I could at least get fed.
To set the record straight, I have never sought out a free meal, only willingly obliged requests to spend time over appetizers, a main course, and dessert. Besides, after the number exchange it's less messy to just agree to one outing than explain why the interest vanished in less than 24 hours. It's easier to put on a cute outfit that's not quite sexy and show up. And that's what I did time and time again. I showed up.
It's a routine I became all to familiar with. I always made sure to show up looking just attractive enough to maintain the interest but not further it. Knowing I didn't like them did not stop me from wanting them to like me. My ego wouldn't leave any room for confusion about who would be rejecting whom at the end of the evening. After showing up, the next step was just to get through it. Get through the small talk and the advances both overt and covert. I learned to keep my hands in my pockets to prevent them from being held. Avoiding eye contact was also key. And at the end of every meal, I pulled out my wallet knowing I would be told to put it away. So as not to lead anyone on, I never went out with them again. Besides it's dangerous to tempt fate. Might not escape unscathed the second time around.
Hell even first meals weren't quite free sometimes. My disinterest was mistaken for playing hard to get on more than one occassion. And one particularly horrible incident ended after an hour of playing keep away with an old man named after Elmer Fudd. Not a good time. Even mouth watering food wasn't worth all of that hassle. So why risk it again? Maybe it was boredom, maybe it was my bare cupboards. Who knows! But I did it anyways.
So last week I put the routine back in action and met him at my favorite place. As we waited for our table, I saw that he was just as attractive as I remembered. When he spoke, he was also just as boring. We sat, we ordered, we ate. I kept looking at the clock wondering if I'd make it home in time for All My Children. I divulged nothing personal and became enraptured with my french toast. The bill came, I pulled out my wallet, he told me to put it away. How could I refuse? When it was time to part ways I fidgeted, keeping my distance. Then, managing to escape with only a wave and "Thank you! Bye-bye," I got away with it! Who says there's no such thing as a free lunch?

20 comments:

Alicia said...

You know what, hands in the pockets is a good tip. I never thought of that. Niggaz insist on trying to appear as if they're my boyfriend.

You know its hard out here for a pimp.

Anonymous said...

. . . out here tryna get this money for the rent . . .

T

Buffy said...

"I figured if I wasn't going to fall in love I could at least get fed."

See, I've never been able to admit this. But you've made me brave...I'm gonna jump on the wagon and say 'me too'.

You'd think a man named Elmer would have something going for him. I mean, with a name like that, he should have developed other compensating characteristics, at the very least.

Chesty LaRue said...

See...I say, why stop at one date? There's more meals for the eating and eventually, when you don't call them or respond to their advances, they'll stop calling you. I think you're forfeiting more free lunches/dinners by making it obvious you're not interested in them. The key is to make them lose interest in you...after 2 or 3 more meals! =D

K said...

My friend annabella does the same, and I still would if I didn't have a boyfriend...

Anonymous said...

and u guys still wonder why there aren't more relationships formed? I know u justtrying to get a meal... that is obvious most times. ubt sometimes u don't deserve that meal. leave that meal for someone who wants more and maybe someone will do the same for you.

Sober In the City said...

I thought I was the only one...

In college, I would order more than I knew I could possibly eat, so I could have leftovers the next day for lunch.

Anonymous said...

thats a damn shame. then u wonder why you're stuck wondering, "where have all the good men gone?" they probably saw your hungry ass comin...then took off the other way. plus, only busters fall for that pullin your wallet out crap. pull that joint out if you want to...its all good though. 9 times outta 10, we just wanna hit it anyway...you still my dawg. we need to talk about this one though...whats your schedule lookin like friday? wanna do a late lunch...lol...

be cool--be easy--
b peezy...baby!!

Anonymous said...

LOL @ sober in the city!!! And, fellas, don't hate! Like the last ig'nant one said, most of y'all just wanna hit and figure you have a one meal obligation before you get that chance. We gotta do us just like you do...and this is ONLY because guys ask us. I don't go out with the intention of getting a free meal. I always pay for my own shit. But, would you rather us reject you or give you the pleasure of being seen with us at least once! Don't hate the player, hate the game!

Anonymous said...

bp...that wasn't me. I put my name on my responses.

Alicia said...

haha...ok, that last one was me. (forgot to put my name) But yeah, I agree...your statement was ignant.

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!! It's so true it brings me to tears as I can't stop laughing!! P/s I love "Buffy's" response.

FLS said...

Yall crack me up. You think that's pimpin!!??!! Seriously like we over here agonizing about a lil General Tso's chicken. Ya'll ain't getting the good meals, ya'll getting puppy chow. If you cute you might EVEN get some Gravy Train. Every bch is entitled to at least one meal, maybe even a movie. It's just the right thing to do. If you're not banging you got to pay half. Don't blame me. Blame DNA. If you cute then you may get a free ride...once. Anonymous III is right, at the end of the day we trying to get the yams by any means necessary, and there's way too many females out here to be complaining. (NYC 4:1) Some of the dudes ya'll are dating must be some stupid assholes...Tricking all that cash and not getting no ass. Ya'll are only dating them type of dudes because they got a good job, or play in the church band or some other shit(maybe you're just a greedy bch!!). Real niggas will have you cooking some shit at the crib, then sit back drink a lil yak, get some head, beat and do the same shit again the next night with the next chick. He's proly the one you WANT to go out with but is not readily available so you're glad to host one night at your crib.

Yall kill me. All these lonely, single women on here talking about how they having problems dating but yet they pimpin and eatin meals.

Cook a nigga a good home meal. Suck the hell out of dick, have some yak in the freezer and you might keep one of them dudes.

CHURRRRRCHHH!!!!

I guarantee K is cooking meals and got a pair of knee pads at the crib.

RebeLioness said...

LMAO! FLS, you only WISH you was as gangsta as you portray these "real niggas" to be! This ain't dating SCARFACE style, you fake ass Tony Montana! Don't front on here like niggas don't KNOW you, son! That ya'll wanna get the "yams" ain't no big secret, and nobody said we think we're pimps. A MEAL is hardly my idea of pimpin'. This is some preliminary shit right here and you said it best: every bitch is entitled to a meal, so a bitch gotta eat and a bitch WILL EAT! All that head and yak and cornbread mess, that's some ghetto/Harlem fantasy bullshit. You know you wouldn't even respect no female like that!

If that's your GIRL GIRL...then she can wear her kneepads and apron with pride all day, e'ry day, but she's got the title so I'm sure she's gettin' more than just General Tso's and Gravy Train at that point!

bt said...

Now you knew I was gonna have to drop a line on this one, now I see a lot of the ladies cosigning but you forget there is the crazy brother in disguise Martin talked baout every now and then. Think about it if a nukka follows you around in the club for a drink imagine the fervor with which he gonna pursue you with now that he's sat you down, gotten to know you, and tircked up a good amount of paper on a dinner (especially when sistahs ordering enough to have leftovers). Nah dawgs that man might just club you over teh head and drag your ass somewhere but play fool if you wanna. But to get even deeper, is this not the same board that beefed over no brothers being available and having to date white men. Now you have an upstanding dude taking you out to dinner and you playing with his emotions and then wonder why nukkas don't have love for the ladies why do you think he's sour. He liked the shorty he met in the club, thought he had a chance form dinner and the conversation and then got the stiff arm, damn! LOL, you know that ain't right.

Alicia said...

Chesty, I don't even know him and I can tell he's a fake. That nigga ain't gangsta.

FLS said...

REBELIONESS...My original comment for you was deleted by the blog owner due to its malicious content.. because I didn't know who you were. (Imagine some chick on here claiming she know me.) But now that I've figured it out...I find it amusing that you write under more than one pseudonym.

Anywayz what can I say. You got me?

Like I told you time and time again. You don't know me THAT well. You think you know...but you have no idea. I really hope you were joking. This ain't about Tony Montana and this is not about some ghetto harlem fantasy bullshit. All of the lovely ladies I've dated (relationships and "just dating")drank yak while they were with me. If I was coming over they would have yak. I would ask for it. Some even went to the extent of putting a glass in the freezer to chill it. I would also get a meal of some sort. I'm not saying this is all the damn time but enough to keep a nigga interested and around. We would eat some food and yes I would get some head and more often than not beat. I'm not trying to brag but this is not unusual behavior for me. Why spend all that money at some restaurant with overpriced drinks, when we could be at the crib chillin. Wifey gets the best treatment because she earned it. She gets the trips to Paris and Barcelona cuz its my way of thanking her.

Men are so simple you would think most of yall would be in some type of relationship. Be consistent, take care of nigga better than his momma and you straight. Even if he stray at the end of the day you and he both know that YOU take care of HIM better than anyone.


You surprise me. I thought you were a lil more carefree when it comes to dudes but you let too many things bother you. I think you're jaded from the ghost of niggas past or maybe just YOUR past. Maybe it was something in your childhood. Maybe the skeletons in your closet. I don't know. I think if you change your ATTITUDE and get with this 3 step program. You'll be more succesful w/dudes. If you keep going off out ya mouth everytime something bothers you niggas will leave you. Nobody got time for all that arguing shit.And you're a very confrontational chick.

I would respect a chick a whole lot more if she adopted the three step program. If I feel like you trying pimp I'm definitely not going to respect you. Why would I? But if you taking care of a nigga then you get more of my time and I don't mind returning the favor.

Once again men are simple.

Everybody got something say, what a group.

A bunch of single ass chicks. Yall should really do an experiment. Half of you go on the 3 step program. The other half continue doing what you doing. FYI Doing the same thing, the same way, and expecting different results is called insanity.

Good luck. I got mine. I'm just trying to help yall.

Rebelioness aka chesty for those who forgot said...

Men, men, men! What the hell is up with y'all? This is what happens when you read what you WANT to read and not what's there in front of you.

Liz wrote:
To set the record straight, I have never sought out a free meal, only willingly obliged requests to spend time over appetizers, a main course, and dessert. Besides, after the number exchange it's less messy to just agree to one outing than explain why the interest vanished in less than 24 hours.

She never said she goes out with the SOLE purpose of finding a loser to buy her a free meal every weekend. Never did she mention the word pimpin'. She said she'd initially find the guy attractive, but by the end of the convo she realized the thrill was gone; yet went out on a date with him to spare his feelings, so to speak. So WHY oh why are you mofos up in arms about this shit?

BT, there should be no emotions to speak of and, thus, play with on a first date, so why is this so "wrong"? How many times have you guys dated a girl for weeks even MONTHS and suddenly lost interest in her but then pull the "I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship" line when you realize she's "caught feelings". If after 3 months were expected not to be emotionally attached, how attached can a man really be after ONE date?

FLS...you're a whole different story cuz now you've gotten PERSONAL. Read your PERSONAL e-mail for my PERSONAL response to your comment. But, so as not to leave any doubt, we NEVER asked for your help! That you're in a relationship does NOT qualify you to give relationship advice. Now you come up on EVERY blog, EVERY day tryna be Dr. Phil and bashing every woman's comment that you dislike. That your PERSONAL preference is to have chicks chillin' glasses for your beloved yak and suckin' you dry does not make that shit a 3 step program either! Face it, there are no rules to this shit. Everyone is different and no formulas exist to date that has cured the ever-so-feared "single ass chicks" disease. Let you tell it and being single is akin to leprecy!

Everyone eventually wants a relationship (men included) but we want it to be with the RIGHT person! Picture me cooking for, chilling glasses, and sucking every Tom, Dick, and Harry who buys me dinner! I takes care of myself so let a nigga TAKE CARE of himself. We kill you? No, nigga, YOU kill ME with this cave man BS!

FYI, I've been RebeLioness for YEARS and was posting as such way before Liz coined me Chesty (which I've subsequently embraced)! Get your shit straight!

Alicia said...

I'm a leper...Lord help me!

stefan said...

Even tho i apreciatte the honesty, i feel a litle disgust...but anyway doesnt matter as much.. since 14 it never happened to get to a girl a meal and not having her as desert.. proly sometimes i will pay my due