Saturday, March 25, 2006


I've always wanted a man who is the complete opposite of me. In my mind, the perfect man would be rational, quiet (yet strong), even keeled, realistic, grounded, level headed, and every other thing that I am not. I figured a man like this would bring balance to any equation that involved me. He would reign me in, curb my melodramatic tendencies, and be my voice of reason. Total opposites would meet in the perfect ying and yang. In retrospect, I can honestly say that The Guy Who Shouldn't Make Me Cry is definitely that type of man. So if he was everything I'd always wanted, why didn't we work? I think I figured it out. My perception of a man who is my total opposite was always based in behavior. In my head he would act nothing like me. What I forgot is that actions are driven by thoughts. If someone doesn't act like me, it's more than likely that they don't think like me. And therein lies the problem.
When I was with The Guy I had a lot of time to think. I would come up with all types of relationship scenarios in my head then play out all of the possible outcomes. Depending on the envisioned outcome, I could often get extremely worked up about the mere possibility of something happening. Once I was done analyzing things until they didn't even exist, I would bring my thoughts to The Guy and ask him, "What would happen if..." No matter what scenario I gave him, his answer was always the same. "I don't know. I never thought about it." While I could fathom him reaching a different conclusion, it seemed impossible to me that he never had these thoughts in the first place. I refused to believe he had never thought about what would happen if either of us met someone else or an ex came back in the picture or I lost my limbs in a freak shark attack. I was under the assumption that my thoughts were like everyone else's and it was only the reactions to them that differed. I was convinced that he simply hadn't gotten around to thinking my thoughts, so it was my duty to make him do it. It never occurred to me that his mind never even went the places that mine did. No matter how many times he told me, "I don't think about that stuff," I never believed him. Instead, I insisted on dragging him down the dark tunnel which is my brain. Needless to say it was a very scary place for him and he ran away screaming.
I've come to realize that opposites don't attract, they merely fascinate. When confronted with the reality of dating my total opposite, I found myself refusing to accept that anyone could possibly be that sane. Instead of embracing our differences and allowing them to provide balance, I made it my mission to make him just as neurotic, paranoid, and off balance as me. And really, who wants to date someone like that? I don't, and obviously neither did he.


Flatty Girl said...

I'm on the phone with ACME right now...buying that anvil. What size is too large to drop on you? Let me know.

Chesty LaRue said...

LMAO @ flatty girl (Aside: I really despise how we've both accepted the unflattering monikers you have bestowed upon us!)
I like and dislike this "epiphany". I like it because it's very honest. I think it's human nature to try and rationalize the HELL out of some shit we never understood because it helps with closure--you know how I feel about closure--but at the same time it almost seems as though you blame yourself for what happened w/u and ol' boy. There's no doubt that you both contributed to the dissolution of the relationship in your own way, but that doesn't mean you "dragged him" into anything. You are different and, thus, perhaps more incompatible than you both initially thought. I do the same thing--daydream about fantastical events b/w me and the present guy and how it would turn out--and I DAMN sure ain't admitting to lunacy! =D I think you've taught me, more than anyone else, that sometimes we may never know the cause, but we have to learn to live with the effect. If not, I can always chip in on the anvil with flatty girl!

Anonymous said...

Yeah...I could honestly say that dating someone exactly like me would piss me off...but i dont want an exact opposite. i want someone with similar/same core values, but differences enough to make life interesting and expand my perception of life.


Alicia said...

In my opinion, you need to find someone as chemically imbalanced as you. There is NO way that you would have a lasting relationship with a normal or sane guy. The perfect guy for you has to be at least 1/2 as neurotic as you...or it just won't work! Live and learn Liz, live and learn. Flatty and Chesty, feel honored, at least you are important enough for her to INCLUDE you in her blogs. I'm like a bald-headed step child over here!

chesty larue said...

LOL@ Alicia! I think baldheaded step children are wonderful!

Alicia said...

When she starts treating you like a bald-headed step child, you will know that it doesn't feel too good. :o(