Monday, November 27, 2006

I Promise

When is a promise no longer valid? If you swear up and down about ANYTHING are you held to it no matter what? Are the promises you make to a person contigent upon who that person is to you when you made the promise.

This summer, I made a promise. Actually it was more of an assertion. I swore that a male friend was just that, a friend. I promised that nothing physical or romantic would ever occur between us because we just "aren't like that." When asked if anything physical or romantic had already occurred I was honest. Yes, but that was a long time ago and things are different now. Not only would it not happen again, it simply couldn't. I was firm.

I said those things because I truly believed them. Plus, I was trying to prove a point. I have been told by several men that I have too many male friends and that there is absolutely no way in hell that all of those inter-sex friendships could possibly be 100% platonic. And I have always argued that men and women can totally be just friends. MY friends are NOT trying to get in my pants nor am I trying to get them to lay on top of me so I can feel a warm body.

So when I told a man who was definitely not just my friend that nothing would ever happen between myself and The Friend, I meant it. I didn't just say it to appease him or to give him a reason stop whining about why The Friend always seemed to call at ungodly hours of the night. I wasn't saying, "Because of you, I won't do that." No guy wants to hear that anyways.
"You're the only thing stopping me from tappin' dat ass" is not exactly reassuring. If there's a possibility then there is definite reason to be concered. But I was saying something totally different. I was saying I wouldn't do it, period.

Last weekend I did it. I had every right to. Things with the man who was definitely not just my friend fell apart weeks ago. I am perfectly free to do whatever I please without worrying about anyone else's feelings. And I'm not necessarily worried about feelings being hurt per say. The problem lies with me. I feel like a liar. I made a promise and I broke it. I didn't make the promise with a built in contingency plan and out clauses. And I'm not that girl that lies to a man just to make him feel better about a situation. Actually I'm honest to a fault divulging more information than what is really needed all in the spirit of full disclosure. Granted, I owe nothing to that man and he has a tendency to be a veritable asshole....yet I still feel bad. Like I've done something to him or was deceptive or something. I can't explain it. Or maybe it's not about him and more about me. I have no problem lying to my parents, boss, IRS (just kidding), etc. but when it comes to who I say I am I prefer to be truthful. And I feel like a hypocrite. I might say I am just friends with each and every one of my male friends but am I really? How much would it take for me to fall into a similar situation with another guy I claim is "just my friend." Maybe I should just NEVER say never again.


mist1 said...

About that IRS thing...yeah, me too.

Anonymous said...

Liz, YOU got down with one of your "friends"? I thought that I was the only one who does that. Wow...guess I should have been awake for that phone call last night.

Oh, and NO MORE lectures on my friends turning into bed-buddies, OK?

missbhavens said...

oooo...."never" is a biggie. It's so hard not to say it, but you're always better off without the restrictions of "never".

Anonymous said...

When it comes to relationships between me and women..NEVER say never! Been there, done that.

Elizabeth Krecker said...

Yeah, I'm with mist1 - about that IRS thing...and while we're at it, about that "just friends" thing.

Me, too.

rozm!chelle said...

ooooooooooh i've been there spec! *sigh*. never is SUCH a bad word. full of such misconception.

Citygirl said...

Take it easy on yourself. You're not a hypocrite because at the time you made that statement YOU MEANT IT. Things changed. Shit happened. That's just life. It would be different if you went out and got busy with each and every one of your male friends. But you didn't, it was just one guy.

Calm down.