Monday, October 10, 2011

Charge It to the Game

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Brain Dump has gone viral. I logged into my Sitemeter account today and saw an astronomical upswing in my traffic, courtesy of some blog by a person named Roosh. Seems as though someone found this older post and put it on his site and the name calling commenced. At first I ignored it, but when people feel the need to call me nasty names ON MY BLOG then all bets are off.

“Besides, in my experience instant sparks have a tendency to spontaneously combust. As I’ve gotten older I’ve stopped making snap judgments about my interest level based solely on first impressions.”
These sentences clearly state that I went out with a guy in order to see if my initial impression was correct. I went out with him, NOT to get a free meal, but to simply see if there might be more to him than I initially thought. The free meal was simply a bonus. We all find ourselves in situations where we know that in getting A we will also get B and C as well. Doesn't mean we were only after B and C.

On countless occasions I have heard men say,”Why won’t a woman even give me a chance before she decides to reject me.” I know many women who will not even go on one date with a man if they don’t feel earth shattering chemistry from the get go. I tend to take a wait and see approach if I’m feeling indifferent. Now, I gave this man a chance and during the course of our lunch date he made a bad impression in many different ways from his personal presentation to his lack of listening skills. This turned my indifference to complete disinterest. Was I to walk out on him in the middle of the outing? That would be rude (and I’m sure people would call me names for that as well). Which brings me to my next point...

Just because a man takes a woman out, she has no obligation to enjoy the outing. Sometimes she will, sometimes she won’t. That’s what dating is. You win some, you lose some and you deal with it. One date does not equate to using a man, just like one date does not equate to being in a relationship (there are women who need to learn this). No one’s pimping off a $20 (if that) meal. Bad dates happen. And obviously he shared my feelings about the lunch because I never heard from him again. So no harm no foul.  It seems like the guys who get most offended by a woman who says, “thanks, but no thanks” are the ones who seem to think they are owed something. I find this quite amusing since many of these same guys will have much deeper interactions with a woman for months without feeling like he owes her anything. Which segues nicely into this lesson....

If you offer to take a woman out, then you’re taking on the risk that it might not be a good match (for her, for you, or both parties). If you’re not comfortable with that then simply spend time with her in ways that are either inexpensive (which a $20 meal is) or free. Host a potluck at your house and invite her to come. Ask her to join you at your friend’s fight party. Go for a run in the park. Get to know her informally and gauge if there’s a romantic spark that way. If you choose to use a date as a means to get to know a woman then you take on the risk of possibly spending money on someone who may not be in your life very long. That’s on you.

There are two types of dates: 1) The getting to know you date, and 2) the I really like you date. If you want to completely avoid feeling used (notice I said, "feeling," not "being") then only go out on formal dates with women you know you like and who you know like you too.

Real talk, we have all been rejected. We have all thought that a date went great only to realize that the other person didn't feel the same way. Most adults understand this and don't take personal offense to it. Honestly, I don't even need people to see things my way. Some will. Some won't. However, if you want to disagree with me, then do so respectfully. Cursing, name calling, and ranting and raving about something that has NOTHING to do with you personally is unproductive. So if you read this post and  Could've Had a V8 and felt some kind of way about it feel free to "tell em why you mad son" in the comments. I'm all for lively discussions. Just do so respectfully.


Katherine said...

Hi there,

I'm a single girl from Australia and found the link to your blog from Roosh's site. You did nothing wrong, these creeps on those gaming sites expect sex in exchange for a meal on a date. Whatever!

You met him online so you had every right to cut and run. Heck, after reading about your date I'm amazed you lasted through dinner, I would have activated my escape plan!

Good going :)


Purple Yogi said...

well K, She didn't actually cut and run. If that was the case men would have more respect for her. Nobody wants to be in a uncomfortable situation. She clearly states that her intentions are to milk him out of a free meal and I quote "However, since I'd only gotten a water with lemon I still needed to actually make a check. I suggested we get a table." She is similar to the 'creeps' on Rooshs website who sleep with a girl and never to followup or call them again. Cheetrah, I really hope we go the same B School, you are the perfect case study for everything wrong with dating today.

Solo said...

I seriously can't get mad at Cheetah nor do I take her or women who online date serious. The truth is when I do the "Online dating" thing its simply to get laid. I've gone on dates were women used me for a free meal among worst shit . Truth is a lot of women who do plenty of fish or Okcupid etc are delusional and think they deserve a "High Value" man when a lot of those women are low quality trash. Dating in 2011 is fucked up, I haven't gone on a date in months, and I'm not worried about it.
^^This is a good site that breaks the fuckery of online dating down even more

p.s. and stop fronting you was going out for a free meal, Yogi is right with that quote, you wasn't going on that date because you wanted to give dude a chance. Lying about isn't a good look tsk tsk tsk

Anonymous said...

Well it might not be the traffic you want, but you'll get traffic from this. I don't know how experienced you are with these types, but in the future, don't fed the trolls. What they really want is attention.

Now I came off of Roosh's forum so I have some insight into these commenters. Lots of these guys are self styled ”men's rights” activists who are basically a bunch of losers who couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of 20's.

They're pissed because of the over-the-top verbal flogging you handed out in your post to a type of guy they identify with. Personally, I found it pretty hilarious as the female analogue of some of Roissy's best anti fat chick/single-mother/woman-over-30 screeds from his blog's glory days. Rabid vitriol when done right can be very entertaining.

Anyway, I think you did a great job explaining yourself, and you sound like a normal person, but don't expect these guys to get it. Understanding of social dynamics and social etiquette, the ability to empathize and relate to others, as well as a total lack of cool factor and perspective/context when it comes to self evaluation are particular weaknesses of these guys, and the mason reasons why they're all better that women don't want to date them even though they're ”nice guys”.

Anonymous said...

What is the difference b/w what Cheetarah did and what you so-called "players" do? You take a woman out and buy dinner for her hoping/expecting for the night to end up w/ sex; she went out w/ the bummy dude hoping/expecting to get a free meal. As she said, there are plenty of ways to get to know someone and going out to eat isn't the end-all-be-all. Really, he should have paid his bills w/ the money he spent on her, but that's not her fault!

I thought the whole situation was hilarious by the way!

Purple Yogi said...

Is this you?