Friday, August 03, 2007

Get On My Level

"You scare me."
My eyebrow shot up and I adjusted the phone against my ear. "I scare you?" I repeated, wanting to be sure I heard him correctly.
"Yeah, you scare me."
Laughter erupted from my gut, loud and uncontrollable. In my 27 years I have elicited quite a few reactions from quite a few men. However this was the first time I'd scared one of them, at least within the first conversation.
I had met him two days earlier at the car dealership where I got my key fab replaced.
"You know your tail light is busted," he had said as he handed me my keys.
"A basketball pole hit my car," I informed him. A smirk played at the corners of my mouth. "I'll get around to getting it fixed."
"Um, okay."
He disappeared around a corner, and I headed to my car. As I pulled out of the service garage I saw him wiping down an SUV in the parking lot. He held up his hand to get me to stop for a second.
"What's up?" I asked, rolling down my window. I was hoping he hadn't noticed anything else wrong with my car.
"I just wanted to tell you that you are a very attractive woman."
I took a second to look at him. His skin was a smooth mahagony and he had a shy smile accented by a slighly crooked bottom tooth. He was tall and slim, yet not skinny.
"Thank you. You're cute too," I replied.
We exchanged phone numbers and agreed that we'd speak whenever either one of us called. When my phone rang 48 hours later this wasn't how I expected our first conversation to go. Small talk, yes. Abject terror not so much
"How exactly do I scare you?" I asked.
"I've never met anyone like you before. You're intimidating."
"How so?"
"You're on a whole nother level than me." He explained that it was shocking to meet a woman who was educated, had her own place, could put together three sentences without cursing, and displayed absolutely no signs of ghettoness.
I got the feeling that he thought of me as some mythical beast he'd only heard about during story time at sleep away camp, never imagining that this rare creature existed.
"Trust me, I'm really very nice. Not scary at all. You'll see tomorrow when we have lunch," I said in an effort to allay his fears.
"Actually, I don't think I'm ready to hang out with you yet."
Once again my eyebrow shot up. "What do you mean not ready? How ready to do you have to be to eat lunch?"
"I can just tell that I'm not on your level and if I hang out with you, you would run right over me."
I twirled my index finger through my twisted hair, mulling his words over in my head. He was definitely right. I could steamroll him easily. It hadn't taken long for me to assess that it wouldn't be difficult for me to confuse and manipulate him. His conversation skills were basic, going no further than simple question and answer. He lacked a sharp wit and wasn't too quick on the uptake. Still, he was sweet and mildly amusing. Plus he was respectful, so I had no intentions of taking advantage, not even designs on a free meal.
"But you were the one who asked me to chill tomorrow, remember?" I reminded him.
"I know, but now I don't think I can do it. I mean don't get me wrong, I want to hang out with you. I just have to prepare myself first." He offered to reschedule for later in the month.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The man was breaking a "date" (and I use that term VERY loosely) within an hour of making it, not because he had a prior engagement that initially slipped his mind, but because he was scared of a woman who could function as an adult. Something was very wrong with that picture.
"Oh come on, it's not that big a deal. It's just lunch. It'll be fun." I spent the next half hour trying to convince him to change his mind. It wasn't that I was dying to go out with him. Far from it. Although he was a cutie, he wasn't my type at all. He lacked the charisma, charm, and borderline arrogance that I find attractive in a man. Still, it would've been cool to go to a restaurant with someone other than myself for once. Besides I should've been the one skipping out on him, not the other way around.
He held firm and eventually, I gave up. I could take the L because I wasn't really losing anything. Any guy who admits up front that you're too good for him isn't worth the wasted breath. Since he made such a big deal about a simple lunch, I'm not too keen on the idea of being friends. There's too much expectation attached. It's too bad we won't be homies. He could've detailed my car.

18 comments:

Black Muse said...

Sigh. Men. No hope.

Signed, a fellow NP member.

Charlie said...

Damn...but don't let it slow your roll. Intimdating that man wasn't a bad thing...he just could take the heat.

Charlie said...

I meant he couldn't take the heat...sorry

ProfessorGQ said...

I kinda feel for the dude.

Anonymous said...

Oh I'm so glad you're back.....it's been forever since your last post and I was hoping you were through.

stljoie said...

It sounds manipulative to me....like he's putting a hook in you, something you didn't expect.

jali said...

I'm glad dude was able to express his inadequacies rather than not calling at all and making you wonder.

Glad to see you back,

Anonymous said...

At least the dude was upfront and honest with you....reality bites sometimes.

Welcome back;)

rayhova said...

Might be an unfair assumption, but I bet he couldnt afford the lunch, so he had to postpone til next payday. Did he ever call back?

k said...

I want to wake up a lesbian. Just once, and never deal with a man, please!!

Keep on, if the man was scared, he was no man.

Simply Me said...

Wow! At least he didn't waste your time. I wish some men that I went dates told me the same thing. Would've saved a lot of time!

Courtney said...

W.O.W. lol

"He explained that it was shocking to meet a woman who was educated, had her own place, could put together three sentences without cursing, and displayed absolutely no signs of ghettoness."

Geez...see...MEN.

RebeLioness said...

I'm kinda with Rayhova on this one...I just don't buy the, "I'm scared of you" crap. He definitely was tryna postpone for some reason. I mean, how could you prepare for a lunch date? Was that gonna be a precedent? It's just way too mature of him to acknowlegde he was inadequate but too immature as far as how he went about it. Just doesn't mix...

Mia said...

I can't believe he was shocked to meet someone with a brain that knows how to take care of herself. Sigh.
Sometimes the simpletons are the most attractive. Just as long as you recognize they're not marriage material!

Ray said...

What is this, The I hate Men Club? Maybe, just maybe he simply didn't want to go out with you.

ajannib said...

Your blog is so funny... I just wanted to give you a shout.

Oh, and it sounds like homeboy was trying to stall for time. Did you find out if he was married...girlfriend...kids?

He very well could have been broke and although you weren't going to make him break his bank, he just assumed he would have to.

Did he call you on the 15th? LOL

slimjackson said...

Your whole blog has had me laughing at my desk for the last 20 minutes. This particular entry though, I've heard something like this from women before. Being scared to meet up with you though...

I think homeboy was having a herpes outbreak on his face and didn't want you to see it until it faded away.lol.

Gary said...

Don't stay gone too long.