Thursday, November 30, 2006

Questioning

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always liked boys. I can still remember the crush my four-year-old self had on my next door neighbor with the mop of brown hair and a penchant for shirtless yard work. My heterosexuality was confirmed young. But lately, I've been having these thoughts. Not really thoughts, but moreso flashbacks. A couple months ago I met a girl and I don't quite know how it happened, but we kissed.
We met in front of my grandmother's house in the north Bronx. She was walking up the block with a friend of mine I hadn't seen in over two years and I was standing on the stoop. We locked eyes and she immediately entered the slightly ajar gate leading to the front walk. I introduced myself with a handshake and invited them both inside. Her energy was amazing. She ran around the house, exploring the new environment.
"Would you like some water," I offered.
She eagerly accepted the tap water I placed before her and within minutes it was gone. In her excitement to have a drink she even spilled half of it on the kitchen floor. No bother, I just wiped up the mess with some paper towels and headed back to the living room so we could get to know each other.
For the next half hour she wouldn't leave my side. I tried to engage our mutual friend in conversation but she kept interrupting. Usually I'm bothered when someone doesn't let me get a word in, but her interruptions were so endearing I didn't even notice. What I did notice is that she kept laying her head in my lap. Now, I'm a pretty affectionate person. I have no problem putting an arm around a female friend or cuddling close to one of my guy friends, but this situation was weird. True, we were hitting it off great, but we'd just met. That type of closeness made me uncomfortable.
"Stop doing that!" our friend would tell her.
She'd do what he said for a minute or two and then come right back into my personal space. While I didn't want her hanging all over me, I also didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Whenever she came close to me, I ran my hand up and down her back. She was extremely fit and I could feel her muscles through her coat.
I think I might've rubbed her back a bit too long because before I knew it she pinned me to my chair and started kissing me. Her tongue was EVERYWHERE. My lips, my cheeks, my chin were covered in saliva. I tried to push her off of me but she was too strong.
"No! Stop!" I screamed. In the midst of my protests she slipped her tongue in my mouth. Immediately, I closed my mouth and turned my head to the side so she couldn't try that move again.
Meanwhile our friend looked on, consumed by a fit of giggles, guffaws, and gasps. In all the commotion he was still able to snap a couple of pictures of the girl on girl action with his camera phone.
After what felt like an eternity, she finally let me go then casually walked to the other side of the room as though nothing happened. The second I was free, I ran to the bathroom and scrubbed my face with St. Ives Apricot Scrub and brushed my teeth with Colgate Total. Unfortunately I didn't have any bleach. When I felt sufficiently clean I rejoined my guests in the living room.
The moment I reentered the room she rushed back to my side. When she stood on her hind legs and started humping my right leg I knew that she wanted more than the kiss we just shared. I disengaged myself from her paws and kept my distance for the rest of the day. She was way too aggressive for my liking. I mean, can't a girl at least get a few hours to process the fact that she just had her first same sex kiss?
Days later as the events of that day replayed in my head one moment stuck out in my mind. The kiss. Yes, it was sloppy. Yes, it was against my will. No, I didn't kiss her back. But when I thought about it some more, I realized that she had given me the most passionate kiss I'd had in a long time. And she made it a total sensory experience. Not only was I lavished with her tongue, she also got her paws and fur into the action. Maybe she was just trying to hold me when I was fighting her off? In hindsight making out with her wasn't bad at all. In fact, it might've even been enjoyable.
So now I sit here with something of a conundrum on my hands. Since she is a girl and I'm a girl and we kissed and I think I liked it, does that make me a lesbian? Or just bi?

14 comments:

jailbait said...

I think you're a full out lesbian now. Elle turned you out!

reL said...

I just have to tell you I think you're hilarious! :)

Thanks for the comedy and insightful commentary everytime I read your blog entries.

Sober In the City said...

I think you are normal. Nothing wrong with curiousity. Curiosity doesn't change your sexual attraction to men.

I don't know a woman who wouldn't admit to getting a bit turned on by girl-on-girl porn.

Bi, lesbian or straight, perhaps what is really going on is that it felt good to feel wanted that much. And there is nothing wrong with that!

Cece said...

You are seriously a mess! And I love how you made her seem like a horny dog. But no I don't think your full on lesbian, or even bi, in my opinion. A good kiss is a good kiss, no matter who gives it. What you didn't say was if you want to see her again...

mist1 said...

Your first lesbian experience was way better than mine.

jailbait said...

Ya'll do realize that she's talking about slobbing down a dog right?

Dog breath alone makes me wanna barf...how the heck did you allow her tongue to slip into your mouth!?

Anonymous said...

Hi.
La.
Ri.
Ou.
s. (damn it just wouldn't even out for me)

Great story!

tiff said...

That Bitch!

free cone said...

Wow, what a story. Bisexuality, bestiality, St. Ives Apricot Scrub. My head is still spinning.

I could use some of that Apricot scrub. I feel dirty.

Bougie Black Boy said...

it's been a while since i've been over here. let's become regulars again to each other's blog!

The things that you write about in this one is quite familiar, I think everyone goes through that once in their life. And, never too late to question yourself and your beliefs. But above all, why do you have to 1) label yourself? when you can simply enjoy yourself and go with the flow and, 2) kissing someone of the same sex doesn't make you gay--that's something within, and deep-rooted.

G said...

Yeah...what cece said...LOL

What can I say? I wish you were but you're prob'ly not...It maybe just turns you on because you could feel her disire for you and that's attractive.

roz m!chelle said...

lmao! liz, u FOOL!

citygirl said...

Uh, I think you're still hetero. Sounds to me like it was just the unusualness of the situation combined with the desire for more intense masculine lovin' that's making you think about this so much.

If you really had liked it, I don't think your first reaction would have been to scrub half your face off. I mean, seriously!

Bailey said...

All I want to know is were am I during these lesbian experiences..