Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Chicken

The screen is mocking me, daring me to write something impressive. "Type. Do it. Say something remarkable," it says to me. I put my hands to the keys, but nothing happens. Firefox saves me from the sting of defeat. I promise myself I'll face the Word document again in a few minutes - just a quick browse through My Space, Facebook, Nappturality, my email, back to My Space, check in on Facebook, then back to Nappturality. And before I know it sleep calls and words go unwritten.

It shouldn't be this hard. There was a time when I could turn out twenty five pages in two weeks. I would just sit and stories would pour out of me, filling up page after page with the people, places, and events that existed in my mind. This story only trickles in sporadic spurts leaving more to be desired with every line. I take solace in the dialogue, which is the only part that works. The setting is bland, exposition abrupt, and action non existent. I can do so much better, but for some reason I can't.

Twenty five pages. The equivalent of two ten-page papers and a five-page essay. I have a 165 pages sitting on a jump drive. I did that in five months. 165 pages that are of no use to me now. None of it is good enough. For friends to read, sure it's great. But to hang my future on, to compete with hundreds maybe thousands of other writers. Not so much. So scrap it and write another 25 pages. What's 25 pages? Everything to admissions panels. And right now, nothing I have in me.

13 comments:

Marcus said...

Stop stressing yourself. Just do what you do best...write.

mist1 said...

What did I do before Firefox?

If you still have writer's block, I heard that plagiarism is perfectly acceptable.

Jennifer said...

If you don't seek it, it will come. That's my mantra, and I'm sticking to it.

You are more than welcome to borrow it at will.

Jailbait said...

I thought this was going to be a post about how something "tasted like chicken".

My bad.

Anonymous said...

You can do it! Just relax and he words will come.

Clem said...

this too shall pass...

you have the drive. you may just need a rest which is why you are in park right now

raytosha said...

i said a prayer for you. sometimes He is the only voice that can make it better.

RebeLioness said...

Just pretend you're back at Cornell and it's due on Monday. Sometimes procrastination is the best impetus! :-)

kat said...

get some green...that'll make you creative! haha.

(i want to be your myspace friend)

Buffy said...

Good grief, this is me.

Bougie Black Boy said...

have we forgotten about each other? Tell me it isn't so!?

Elizabeth said...

At the recommendation of David Morrell (see his book "Lessons from a Life of Writing Fiction" I started having daily conversations with...well...with my computer. I'm writing a lot more now. It's also made for some entertaining conversations in Starbucks:

"You must be a writer! What are you writing!!?!"

"I'm having a conversation with my computer."

"Oh...um...is that so."

They leave me alone after that.

Serena said...

Sometimes I think it's the pressure of "having to" that makes things so much harder. Deep breath...you can do it!