The change was subtle, but unmistakeable. She folded her arms across her chest, shielding herself from me. The gregarious energy that had drawn us together a few hours ago was replaced with a weary countenance. She was still friendly and engaging but she was no longer open. I had trespassed and was no longer wanted.
When he grabbed my waist and pulled me close I saw her staring at us.
"You see that guy right there," she had said a half hour after our initial introduction. "He's so cute. I want him tonight."
We had both arrived alone, but she didn't plan to leave that way. Dancing was her angle. She sashayed toward him and swung her hips to get his attention. Much to her dismay it wasn't enough to keep him entertained. He found his way to me and kept finding me the entire night. I didn't beckon, but I didn't turn him away either. She was the one who wanted him, but I knew I was the one who would get him.
As I watched her over his shoulder, I recognized the look in her eyes. I had been her on so many other nights. I had stared, danced, and flirted to the best of my ability only to watch my target use the same moves on another woman. I had gone home empty handed on more than one occassion, wondering what the other girl had that I didn't. And I had felt the irrational feeling of loss over something that was never mine.
I felt bad being the cause of her disappointment. And I felt worse because I had participated knowingly. But feeling bad didn't stop me from walking over to him at the end of the night and getting his phone number as she looked on.
I used to back off if a girlfriend "picked" a guy out of the crowd as hers. I guess I did it more because I was afraid of my friends wrath than because I was being nice.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, it does you no good to back away from a guy neither of you know and neither of you have a commitment with! If a friend doesn't understand that the mating dance is tough and losing is a part of life and if she holds it against you in the long run, she is not a friend worth having.
They always come to you when you don't try too hard.
ReplyDeleteThat is so wrong. Wrong. On many different levels *shaking head*
ReplyDeleteWell, she wasn't really a friend, like in m's case, but she wasn't exactly a stranger either. I know I've done this a million times and my justification was, shit, it ain't my fault he was feeling me. If she didn't "claim" him, a compliment or declaration of attraction was not enough if I was just as drawn to him--and he to me. Can't say it's happened to me, though; but it would probably suck.
ReplyDeleteI remember that I was once the object of affection of this guy who made my girlfriend's heart pound. We stayed friends, but she never let me forget it.
ReplyDeletetee hee...i know the feeling, in both circumstances....ur such a naughty girl lol. but it happens to the best of us! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm loving this blog entry (still wanna beat you for drinking though). This situation has happened to me quite a few times. One of my college "friends" got really mad at me one time. Neither of us knew dude, but my booty hypnotized him....what was I to do??
ReplyDeleteYou ain't wrong...homegirl should have either stepped her game up, or just take the 'L' and move on.
Oh, you are wicked! Love it.
ReplyDeleteJust as though you were trying to get the job of your dreams---you have to be agressive! It's not about stepping on anybody's toes, it's who's the better 'fit'.
ReplyDelete(Thanks for looking out for me on you know who's blog! Your words were very thought out and appreciated!)
You can't help who he liked.
ReplyDeleteSo...how did things go?
It's been so long since I dated I can't remember this little ritual. But you gotta get your own, ya' know? There were other men for her to pick from it seems.
ReplyDeleteThere was nothing that you could have done to prevent that. Being irrisistable is a curse, not a gift.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
Funny, I was just ranting about a similar situation myself around the time you wrote this. I wasn't involved, but a friend was complaining that another friend had pursued a guy that she knew she liked. So?!? It was really exasperating b/c 1. the guy was a ho and would holler at whomever, girlfriend or not. I know b/c he tried to holla at me and plenty others while he was with this other girl. 2. He had plenty of opportunity to talk to this complaining friend and passed so he wasn't interested. 3. The complainer didn't try to talk to him and if she did, she failed. I don't get why folks feel they can lay claims to men who aren't even feeling them. There are not tons of eligible bachelors around from jump so I'm going to need for people to chill with the pure nonsense. You didn't even know her like that and even if you did, she needs to grow the hell up and do so before she calls herself pursuing men, relationships, etc. b/c if she doesn't she's only in for more disappointment and a life spent sulking. This is why I'd rather certain people keep their love interests to themselves or at least from me b/c I don't want to hear about it. I didn't ask who you liked and I'm on a need-to-know basis, lol.
ReplyDeleteTilda
i am a man still, never did or will do that.. not worth to lose a friend for a possible ... w/e.. is low in my eyes..maybe is about honor
ReplyDeleteShe wasn't a friend, Liz barely even knew this chick.
ReplyDeleteYou might have done the same thing before without even realizing that your "friend" was feeling somebody. The issue of "honor" only comes into play if you are actually loyal to this person who expresses their interest in the other person.
Liz, do your thang. You are single and ready to mingle. Go for yours.
I have a feeling that even if you repeatedly rejected this guys advances, this "friend" would still be mad at you.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got his number!
People connect with the people they connect with, for whatever reason it is they connect.
ReplyDeleteYou ain't wrong...homegirl should have either stepped her game up, or just take the 'L' and move on.
How can I say it any better than that right there?
It’s a tough call. You don’t want to hurt another woman – because next time it could be you – but the more you act like you don’t want the guy: the more he’s going to want you. Dammed if you do – dammed if you don’t. If the girl was a very good friend of yours I’m sure you wouldn’t have asked for the guys phone number (cause I doubt she would have been your friend for long). As it was now: I hope you will get to know him! Good luck! And don’t forget: men likes the chase – so let him chase.
ReplyDeletei love reading girls blogs about issues such as this and the comments are even better.
ReplyDeletethoroughly enjoyed the post and the comments:)
such is life. there are too many brothas out there to get mad at it.
ReplyDeleteeven though i get mad too. she'll get over it and her luck will turn just as yours did.
Um I think 2 weeks is a long enough hiatus don't you?? ;-)
ReplyDeleteI so agree with m, can i say ditto?
ReplyDeletem
Ditto for me too;)
ReplyDelete