"Get over it." That's what I hear all the time. What you really mean is get over him. You may not believe this, but I already have. I did that a long time ago. I don't want him anymore, and I don't love him either. I don't long for him. He's not the man for me. If that's the case, why do I still talk about him. Why do I still reminisce about the perfect first kiss and the awful goodbye. I'm not in denial, I swear it. The answer is simple. I am over him, I'm just not over IT.
IT, is so much bigger than him. IT is us, or rather what we were supposed to be. IT is the plans I made that will never happen. IT is the feelings that no longer have a home. IT is every single vision I had of a white dress, a bouquet, and happily ever after. IT is the wonderous possibilities that were obvious from day one. IT is the promise we made when we both said, "I'm not going anywhere." IT is the laughter, the comfort, the ease that made us think this was right. IT is all the what ifs and could have beens. IT is the hope that this really could be it. IT is now a dream that will never come true.
So now I ask you, how do I get over IT? Please tell me, because I would love to know.
I'm about to sound horribly pathetic, but bear with me:
ReplyDeleteOver a year ago, I ended a four year relationship. Well, HE ended a four year relationship. And I moved on and into a wonderful relationship with an awesome guy. But you know what? I'm still freakin' talking about my ex. How he damaged me and my perception of "forever" and "future" and "relationships."
Getting over IT, the feeling that you were somehow misled...I don't think that ever fades. I know that doesn't help you answer any questions, but I hope it at least makes you feel an ounce better that you're not alone. Because I am still so sick of people telling me to get over him. Because it wasn't "him" I was mourning...It was the man I wanted him to be, the promises that were broken.
I guess it comes down to forgiving. But I feel like I was duped, somehow. And I haven't figured out how to forgive that.
But, hey, if you DO find out, let me know, too, will ya? :)
Grab a bottle of Hennessy some weed, and throw on MADLIBS: SHADES OF BLUE and just vibe the fuck out. Get to that altered state of mind. Some people may not agree with me, but it works for me.
ReplyDeleteYou were there when Kris and I were dealing you know the pain...I still talk about her to this day.
PAIN
Pain is a temporary thing.
That life's hardships may sometimes bring.
If you smoke some weed and drink some beer
The end of your pain will soon be near
Anonymous-remixed of course.
To borrow a phrase from the Bible Belt...
ReplyDeleteAmen!
I am totally feeling you on this. I talk about my ex way too often, but that's only because I'm still in love with the possibilities of what we could have been. I've heard all of the "embrace yourself, love yourself" motivational speeches, but its hard to really embrace my single status when I don't want to be this way. No one but God loves me more than I love myself, but unfortunately the love I have for myself doesn't overpower my desire for IT. Some of my "Independent Women"-singing friends have said that they found that IT factor within themselves, but I just don't see that happening for me.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I love your blog. All of your posts seem like they came straight from my diary. Same script, different cast.
Time, time, time. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteCheck out this post (the last bullet)
ReplyDeletehttp://cecestyle.blogspot.com/2005/10/just-my-thoughtsthinkin.html
and this one
http://cecestyle.blogspot.com/2006/03/its-not-always-about-styleon-occasion.html
"Healing cannot be done until one has forgived and Forgiving is letting go of the hope that the past could have been different."
I have been there;hell I am there. If someone was to ask me have I moved on the answer is Yes. Have I gotten over It, probably not. Somethings we never get over, we remember them constantly and they embed themselves in our psyche. They become who we are, they help us form our future decisions, sometimes good,sometimes bad. Not to say your not over it, but even if you aren't there is nothing wrong with that. Just don't let it stop you! Use it for motivation. Everytime I think about what I can't/don't wanna do I remember my ex-boyfriend saying I was weak. And trust for energy thats just as good as a RedBull.
You writing this made me realize of all the things I have written about I have never told "the" story. I will and soon. For release yes. For myself yes. But most of all so that others know that everyone *everyone* feels it. Just like you did here I will write to let others know they aren't alone. We may not have the answers but hell we can explain the reasoning behind the questions ;-)
I must say I felt this post its some true ish you ain't missing them you just miss all the shit you could have been or were supposed to be but turn the music up wild out a bit it eases up my nig might not leave fully but it'll subside.
ReplyDelete"IT is every single vision I had of a white dress, a bouquet, and happily ever after."<-- girl, you know my situation. I'm over him, but really, I'm not over IT. I feel your pain. IT was just like, snatched from me. My time, effort, happiness, faith, and trust just went all down the drain when IT ended. I'm slowly rebuilding and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me. Keep your head up...Lord knows I'm trying
ReplyDeleteWow! You even got the fellas feeling this one! Whoever said you need a long explanation to get the point across hasn't read this. It's so weird cuz I was just talking to my married friend who called to tell me she just learned that her first EVERYTHING is engaged...she knew I'd understand! What she couldn't get over was why if she's happily married and over him did news of his engagement and the impending birth of his child affect her so much? Needless to say, I related to her COMPLETELY and you've conveyed it perfectly here. You know what IT I'm not over, and more than enough time has passed so...when will all this "magenta" (as Blanche from the Golden Girls coined it) dissipate? We'll get there soon enough...together.
ReplyDeleteI agree with fls. That's what I'd do!
ReplyDeleteTime. Time is the only thing that helps. And lots of alcoholic beverages.
ReplyDelete